Remus Lupin & The Shaman's Familiar
by lightheart-62442
Summary: Remus Lupin is devastated after losing his closest friends overnight. How can he pick up the pieces of his life? Who will he find who can help him?


Remus Lupin & The Shaman's Familiar  
By "Lightheart _62442"  
  
This is a fanfiction story based on the Harry Potter series of books by  
J.K. Rowling. Most characters contained in this fanfiction story were originally created by J.K. Rowling and the author of this fanfiction does not seek credit for any part of that creation. Certain references are made in this story to events which are part of the Harry Potter series and these events should be recognisable to readers of the Harry Potter series. Those events are also creations of J.K. Rowling and no credit is sought by the author of this fanfiction for elements of the story that can be sourced in  
the Harry Potter series.  
  
Two days after Halloween, Remus Lupin awoke exhausted from his transformation as a werewolf. He did what he always did on the first day of a waning moon. He raised himself painfully to his feet and staggered into the bathroom and, turning the cold water tap full-on in the shower, stuck his head underneath it and washed the sweat and the grime of the wolf away. The shock of the icy water on his head helped bring him back to his senses. Mixing in some warmer water he stood under the shower and washed the burning and stinging cuts he had inflicted upon himself on his arms, his legs and his body. Scratches, bites and gouges, bleeding open wounds, never remembering how they got there. His dementia during these times was complete. It was as if his consciousness left him for another realm and he was left with only his base nature.  
  
For a brief moment he longed for his schooldays and the company of Sirius and James. He smiled to himself as he remembered the conversations between James and Sirius about transforming into animals and becoming animagi. How they used to meet secretly to go through spells and the order of the incantations and then all their joy when they finally managed it and Sirius turned into a huge dog and James into a stag. And the hours they spent with Peter trying to get him to learn how to do it. Somehow, their animal presence was calming and allowed him to get through the transformation less destructively.  
  
As he dried himself, the wounds in his skin fought to join themselves together. Remus got his wand and touched the worst of them. He was adept at this now, but he had never managed to mend wounds the way that Madam Pomfrey used to at Hogwarts. He remembered her business-like manner, always mixed with eyes of compassion.  
  
"Well, then Mr. Lupin," she used to say. "Let's see what challenges you've set for me this month."  
  
He missed her touch and her minimal fuss. He missed the smell of the hospital wing with its herbs and oils. After healing the worst of his cuts he opened a tiny bottle of lavender oil which Madam Pomfrey had given him. "Self-replacing," she had told him as she handed it over. "You will always need this, and it will always provide for you." He turned it upside-down and waited for a couple of drops to drip onto the jagged scars, and then smoothed the oil to where it could best soothe his wounds. The smell filled his head and he felt better.  
  
He got dressed and then went back into the other room which was turned over. He uprighted furniture and mended broken crockery with his wand. He set a mop to work washing the floor and opened the windows to let in some fresh air. As he did so, an owl which had been waiting patiently on the window sill flew in. Remus untied the letter and a copy of yesterday's Daily Prophet which fell on the floor.  
  
His eyes connected with the headline. "VOLDEMORT VANQUISHED!" and then in smaller letters "Baby Harry Potter Defies Killing Curse". It was as if he'd been hit from behind. He felt his blood rush to his feet for a moment the room swayed. Falling to his hands and knees, with shaking hands he opened the newspaper on the floor and read.  
  
"Celebrations continued late into the night as news spread of the disappearance of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named following the survival by Harry Potter (aged 1) of the unforgivable killing curse which was the cause of death of his parents earlier in the evening."  
  
Remus put a hand to his head. He couldn't believe it. Lily and James dead! Harry alive after surviving Avada Kedavra . how could that be? He picked up the paper and on his knees continued reading.  
  
"As we go to press, reports are coming in of the death of Peter Pettigrew who cornered the man who betrayed the Potters to the dark lord, Sirius Black. Black caused a massive explosion which killed Pettigrew and twenty muggle bystanders. Witnesses reported Black was apprehended immediately and taken to Azkaban prison where he will remain indefinitely. The Minister of Magic said in a statement 'Black is a most dangerous criminal. His actions were witnessed by many of the survivors and it appears he has lost his mind completely. Pettigrew, who was a close friend of the Potters, was heard to emotionally accuse Black of their betrayal and all he could do was laugh and cause a massive explosion. Such loss of life can only be condemned.'"  
  
Remus put down the paper. The room was swimming around him. He felt like an intruder in his own mind. He didn't know what to think, what to do. He stood up and walked around the room, his hands on his head. Then he picked up the paper from the floor and sat down to read the report again. This was a dream.. surely this wasn't true.. they got the wrong people... this is a nightmare!  
  
Then he remembered the letter. He sat down at the table where the letter lay. He opened it up, his eyes barely focusing. Surely this was a letter from James saying the newspaper reports were untrue..  
  
It was from Albus Dumbledore.  
  
"My dear Remus,  
  
Knowing that it is currently a full moon, you would not be aware of the events of the last day. It is with a heavy heart that I must confirm that the newspaper reports are true. James and Lily's bodies were discovered in the wreckage of their home at Godric's Hollow. It appears that their secret keeper divulged their location to Voldemort and he came immediately to find them. Harry, however, somehow managed to survive the killing curse. I believe this was because of the protection afforded him by the sacrifice of his mother. Harry is in the good care of his aunt and uncle and will remain there for the foreseeable future.  
  
Sirius has been taken to Azkaban. It would appear that the newspaper has reported the accounts of witnesses accurately. However, he has not had a trial, a matter of great disturbance to me.  
  
I can only imagine the pain you must be feeling. If I can be of any assistance to you, please do not hesitate to call on me.  
  
Albus Dumbledore"  
  
Tears started to run down Remus' face. His heart was suddenly both too large and too empty to remain in his body. He was distraught with grief for the loss of his closest friends and consumed with anger at the betrayal of them all by Sirius. And all while he was transformed as a wolf and could do nothing to prevent it all from happening.  
  
This wasn't real. His world was tearing from the top to the bottom. All the friendship and support from those four people closest to him was no longer. He felt himself falling, rushing down a great dark bottomless pit where nothing would stop him, nothing would halt the pain, nothing would remind him of happiness. It was as if he'd been kissed by a dementor. His mind was an empty confusion of sadness and nothing, his soul was somewhere else but not with him.  
  
How could this happen? He knew someone had been giving information to the dark side. Dumbledore had been worried about it for some time. They had even started suspecting each other but had always come back together, unable to believe it possible.  
  
But after all of that, Sirius had betrayed them. How, he didn't know. Why, he knew even less. He felt angry. So angry that Sirius had fooled them all, angry that everything they had ever done together had meant so little. Angry that all the friendship they had shared over the past ten years was a fraud. Angry that Sirius could only think of himself. Angry that he, Remus, was stuck with being a werewolf and could have done nothing to help. Angry that Sirius didn't seem to care about his own godson, that he was prepared to see Harry die to serve his own cause.  
  
He couldn't understand it. But it was true.  
  
He picked up the chair he was sitting on and threw it across the room in frustration, screaming at the top of his voice a long, single scream into the silence of the four walls.  
  
Then he knew what he must do. The only thing he knew he could do that would help him right now.  
  
He went to a cupboard in the kitchen and took out a bottle of Ogden's firewhiskey. There was about a quarter of a bottle left. Tearing off the top, he put the bottle to his lips and took a long, long draught. A quarter of a bottle was not going to be enough today.  
  
Chapter Two  
  
Diagon Alley was a place Remus came to infrequently these days. He pulled the hood of his cloak over his head and with his shoulders hunched against the cold he walked down through crowds of happy revellers who were still in party mood and singing and dancing in the street.  
  
As he neared the Leaky Cauldron, it was obvious the place was full. The noise of countless conversations and drunken song drifted far up Diagon Alley but the last thing Remus felt like doing was joining in.  
  
Someone in a very loud voice shouted "Here's to Harry Potter!" and all of the Leaky Cauldron raised their glasses again and yelled "Harry Potter!" before collapsing into laughter and returning to their conversations.  
  
He pushed his way through the door and was hit by the smell of butterbeer and firewhiskey and malted mead all mixed together. Lurching his way towards the bar, Remus couldn't help brushing up against people, it was so crowded. A large man in a black cloak picked up two glasses of mead he had just bought at the bar and turned into him, spilling some of the contents onto the floor. He swore at Remus and wove his way through the throng towards his companion.  
  
"Sorry," said Remus to the man, looking up briefly from beneath his hood.  
  
Shouting and laughter were ringing through his head and someone started singing in a far corner. Tom was at the other end of the bar and was very busy. Two young witches were assisting him and glasses were lined up all along the counter top filled with various colours of drinks. Eventually one of the young witches saw him.  
  
"Yes, love. What's yours?"  
  
"Two bottles of Ogden's thanks," said Lupin, trying to sound cheery, but his voice sounded hoarse and unconvincing.  
  
"Wanna glass?" she asked.  
  
Remus shook his head. "No, taking away."  
  
A voice from across the room cried "Lupin! Over 'ere!"  
  
Remus' heart sank even further. The last thing he wanted was to be recognised in the Leaky Cauldron. His eyes flew over to where the voice was coming from and Mundungus Fletcher, who'd obviously been drinking for some time was beckoning him over. He thought for a second he'd pretend he hadn't seen him, but that was impossible.  
  
He pushed his way through two groups of revellers and joined Dung at his table. Dung slapped him on the back.  
  
"Remus!" yelled Dung above the din. "S'nice t'see yer!" Dung caught hold of Remus' sleeve and pulled him closer so he could yell in his ear, but at that moment someone started climbing onto a table and he started laughing instead.  
  
"Remus!" Dung started again, moving his head slightly sideways as if trying to focus. "Remus, yer not looking 'appy 'nuff. Get summa this down yer!"  
  
Dung picked up an abandoned glass, pointed his wand at it and said "Scourg'fy". Then he tipped the equivalent of several shots of firewhiskey into it from a bottle in his robe pocket. "There, that'll ster'lise it anyway!"  
  
Remus was grateful. It wasn't often that he sat in pubs. Any of the pubs where it was known he was a werewolf tolerated him if he was with company, but not for long. Usually he stayed for one or two drinks with a friend, but left quickly so as not to embarrass the patron.  
  
Tom was flat out today and hadn't even noticed him.  
  
"Sorry 'bout James 'n Lily," said Dung, his gaze swaying at Remus. "Didn' deserve that, they didn'."  
  
Remus couldn't say anything. He looked into his glass and then, lifting it to his lips he drained it in one. He wasn't too sure what it was that Dung had given him, other than it was pretty powerful. But it wasn't whiskey.  
  
"Look, Dung," he said. "I can't stay. It's not really my scene at the moment.."  
  
"No, no," cut in Dung. "This'll do yer good. C'mon. 'ave another one." He tipped some more drink into Remus' glass. "S'good stuff this. Don' say nothin' to Tom, but I got this from a friend. An' I got good friends, Remus. Jus' like you're a good friend, Remus." He patted his hand on Remus' shoulder. "S'better 'n Ogdens an' I got a good deal. Tha's what you need good friends for, Remus. Yer getta good deal from yer friends. Yer gotta look after yer friends, Remus. You re'mber that. Hey, look - DIGGLE!" Remus ducked from the effect of Dung's drunken shout. Dedalus Diggle worked his way through the crush to get to them.  
  
"'lo, Dung," said Diggle. "Remus." he shook Remus' hand. "You sure you should be here, mate?" asked Diggle. "See that big bloke in the black cloak. He's from the Ministry - Werewolf Capture Squad. D'you know him?"  
  
Remus looked at the man in the black cloak who had bumped into him earlier. He didn't recognise him but the man happened to glance his way at that moment and then Remus saw him make a comment to his drinking mate who also looked his way.  
  
"P'raps you're right," said Remus. "It might be time to go. Thanks, Dung. Gotta go."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Gotta go, mate."  
  
"OK". Dung made a gesture with his hand to show he understood.  
  
Remus stood, but the whiskey at home combined with whatever it was Dung had just slipped him were having the desired effect. He made his way to the door carefully and then out into the relative quiet of the street. The rush of cold air on his face cleared his head only slightly and he headed off past darkened shop windows, their displays dim and colourless in the lamplight. He bumped into a lamp post and had to stop for a minute before he felt confident enough to carry on. He pulled his hood over his head and, trying to concentrate on his footsteps, he made his way past the entrance to Knockturn Alley. For some reason, he didn't know why, he turned into Knockturn Alley and, pulling a bottle out from his pocket, found a dark doorway a couple of yards down. He leaned against the doorway and swigged from the bottle. A witch in black robes and a battered black hat wandered up to him.  
  
"Want to take a card?" she asked, fanning some cards face downwards at him.  
  
"No." Remus replied.  
  
"Take a card, love. You might find your fortune. And your fortune could be changing. Take a card."  
  
Remus looked at her. She was about forty-five years of age, round faced and round bodied. Her face was wrinkled up against the cold. She was wearing gloves with the fingers missing and a black knitted shawl was pulled around her shoulders under her robes and fastened with a pin in the shape of a cat. Her robes were patched and her boots were dirty.  
  
"How much?"  
  
"For you, darlin', nothing. Just give me a drink from your bottle. Today's a happy day."  
  
Remus thought better of refusing her cards again. She was obviously in a good mood and it wouldn't hurt to humour her. He picked a card and handed her the bottle. She took a long drink and then wiped the back of her sleeve over her mouth. She held out the bottle to him.  
  
"Keep it," he said. "I got another one."  
  
"Show me the card," she said. He gave it to her and she studied it in the lamplight.  
  
"The Moon," she said. Remus snorted a laugh.  
  
"The Moon signifies change," she said. Remus nodded, smiling thinly. "The change can be painful, but you have to accept it."  
  
"I have no choice!" said Remus softly.  
  
"You have to let go of the past. Trust your instincts and face the future."  
  
"Well, we'll see about that," he said. "Thank you."  
  
She walked away, swigging from her bottle again.  
  
He hid himself in the darkness and pulled the other bottle of whiskey out of his pocket and unscrewed the lid. There were so many drunken wizards on the streets tonight, one more wouldn't make any difference. He drank straight from the bottle and was only vaguely aware of footsteps running past the entrance to the Alley.  
  
By the time the footsteps came back and stopped at the Alley entrance, Remus had slid down the side of the doorway and was sitting in the shadows, hopelessly drunk.  
  
"Here he is," said a rough voice and someone dragged him out of the doorway and dropped him spreadeagled onto the pavement. The bottle left his hand and as someone kicked him several times in the back, he fell down a short flight of steps farther into the Alley. There was a shout. Glass broke somewhere near his head and another loud voice yelled:  
  
"Oh, no yeh don't. I'll be havin' tha'." He couldn't see who was shouting. The street was in an interminable spin and he felt horribly sick. He could barely move for pain in his back and his sides but whoever was attacking him suddenly ran away and a pair of very large boots loomed up into his vision. He was faintly aware of blood dripping into his right eye and he tried with his arms to push himself up, but nothing seemed to want to work and his face seemed fastened to the pavement. Then the inevitable happened. He threw up.  
  
The owner of the large boots crouched over him and he felt a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"Aaah, well. P'raps that'll be for the best," said a familiar voice. Remus was too drunk and too sick to even think who it might be. All he knew was that no harm was coming from him. Another set of footsteps approached.  
  
"S'all right, Diggle," said the boots' voice. "I got him now. Jus' leave him to me. He's a bit unwell, but he'll be alright in a minute."  
  
When Remus stopped vomiting, he tried again to sit up. Strong hands took hold of him under his arms and he felt himself being dragged to his feet. Pain seared through his body and he groaned loudly.  
  
"S'alright, Remus," said the voice again. "Jus' lean agains' me," but Remus couldn't. The world was upside down and inside out all at the same time. He felt himself being picked up and slung over some huge shoulders and whatever happened after that remained forever a mystery.  
  
Chapter Three  
  
When Remus woke up it was very quiet. His head hurt horribly. His mouth was dry and tasted foul. His back and his ribs were agony. Then he realised he wasn't wearing a shirt and bandages were wrapped around his chest. He tried to open his eyes and it was a while before anything came into focus in the gloom.  
  
Two large brown and yellow eyes were looking straight at him. Eventually he could see that they belonged to a huge dog which sat peacefully on the hearth rug, his great tongue hanging out of his mouth and he was panting quietly.  
  
He knew this place. The huge mugs on the table, the giant teapot, the fireplace was so familiar. Footsteps approached and the door swung open and banged on the wall behind. Hagrid came in with his arms full of firewood and he stopped in the doorway to look curiously at Remus.  
  
"I 'spect yeh not feelin' like gettin' up?" said Hagrid  
  
Remus' head hurt too much to move. But he nodded to Hagrid.  
  
"How did I get here?" said Remus.  
  
"Ah. Well, I did have a little bit of help. Didn' carry yeh all the way. But all I can say is its was a lucky thing I wen' into the Leaky Cauldron when I did. Dedalus Diggle saw this big bloke watchin' yer. Didn' look too friendly. He told me he was worried he was from the Ministry and he was following you. Don' think he would have taken you in when every one was celebratin' You-Know-Who's disappearance. Specially as yer a friend of James Potter. But Diggle reckons he wanted to give you a warning next time he wouldn' muck about."  
  
Remus pulled back the blanket and swung his legs gingerly over the side of the enormous bench he was lying on. He sat up feeling bruised all over and his head thumped violently. He sat with his head in his hands until the pounding settled down and he realised he was wearing some pyjama trousers he didn't recognise.  
  
"Where'd these come from, Hagrid?"  
  
"Madam Pomfrey had some in Lost Property. She came down las' night and we got you outta them things you had on. You was in a right state, you was. She found you some jeans and a shirt and some other things. Some seventh year left them behind a couple of years ago. They should fit yeh." Hagrid nodded towards a wooden box with the clothes neatly folded on top of it.  
  
"I'll have to thank her. She's always been good to me," said Remus, feeling slightly sheepish at the thought of Poppy Pomfrey pulling him out of his clothes.  
  
"Yeah, well, she had to work on you for a bit there," said Hagrid. "Said you had some crack'd ribs and whatnot, but she's fixed that. An' there were some other things you'd done which she sorted out too. You might feel a bit sore for a few days."  
  
Remus looked for the bites and gouges he'd inflicted on himself during his transformation and found that all the marks had gone.  
  
"The pump's outside if yer wan'," said Hagrid, handing him a large towel and a bar of soap.  
  
Remus nodded and, heaving himself upright, he aimed himself at the door and went outside. Hidden behind a brushwood fence was a water pump. He stripped off and with a deep breath, pumped the freezing water over himself until he was practically numb with cold. When he finished, he dried himself and dressed in the clothes that Poppy had left him which were a bit big, but would serve the purpose. He realised he must be fairly thin if a seventh year's clothes were too big for him.  
  
When he went back into Hagrid's hut there was a strong smell of bacon and eggs and toast. Hagrid had a large metal plate hung over the fire and breakfast large enough to feed a small army was cooking over it.  
  
"My dear Remus," said a quiet voice behind him.  
  
Remus swung round, making his head pound again, and faced Albus Dumbledore sitting in a squashy armchair he didn't remember being there before he went outside.  
  
"Are you feeling better?" Dumbledore asked. He looked at Remus through his half moon spectacles in a way that transmitted an understanding of all the feelings that Remus had at that moment. There was no judgement, no criticism of his drunkenness, no surprise that he should even be there at all. Dumbledore had always treated him with total acceptance and his gaze, whilst penetrating, was sympathetic and tender.  
  
"Yes," said Remus automatically. "Well, actually, no. It's more like I've gone a few rounds with the Whomping Willow. I'm sorry. I've caused a lot of trouble to Hagrid and Madam Pomfrey and you. I should probably hand in my prefect's badge." He shot a guilty look at the Headmaster.  
  
Dumbledore laughed softly. "There'll be no need for that. Half the wizarding world has been drunk for one reason or another over the past couple of days. Nobody would blame you for trying to soothe the pain that way. In fact, I believe Hagrid was just about to do the same himself when he was made aware of your potential calamity by Dedalus Diggle."  
  
He paused for a few seconds. Hagrid sniffed in the background and busied himself with the bacon and eggs.  
  
"You need not try and explain how you feel. The whole of Hogwarts' staff has been extremely subdued over the last few days. Poppy Pomfrey has been particularly affected. It was a relief to me that she was able to treat you last night. She felt a very strong need to restore you to as great good health as she was possibly able."  
  
Remus shifted in his chair. He wanted to ask something but could barely bring himself to do it.  
  
"What ..  
  
"I wasn't able to ..  
  
"What happened at ..." he put his hand to his mouth to stop words which were causing such pain from leaving his lips and looked at Dumbledore, tears welling in his eyes.  
  
"Nobody can say for sure," said Dumbledore with a look of immense sadness. He fiddled with a seam on his robes as he gathered his thoughts together. And then looking up at Remus he continued, "but the house was all but destroyed by the struggle. James must have put up a tremendous fight. Lily was protecting Harry and it was her sacrifice which must have caused the fatal curse to rebound on Voldemort. Harry has but a small scar which will be a constant reminder to him of that night of nights."  
  
Remus struggled for some time with the information. He could barely imagine what madness went on at Godric's Hollow while he himself was struggling with a dementia of his own.  
  
"I can't believe that Sirius would .. If I ever set eyes on him again, I'll .."  
  
"He has not been tried," said Dumbledore, anticipating Remus' anger. "Most of the witnesses were muggles with no understanding of wizarding ways. Only a fragment of Peter's body was found - we may never be certain of what really happened. If the Minister has his way, Sirius will remain in Azkaban for the rest of his days. He could already be as good as dead."  
  
"I can't believe what he did," said Remus, getting angry. "I can't believe that he'd do that to James and Lily - and especially to Harry. He must have been hit by an Imperius Curse."  
  
"You know he was strong enough to resist them," said Dumbledore. "It appears he was acting alone."  
  
"But why? Why would he betray everything we ever stood for?"  
  
"The Black family is a very powerful family, Remus," said Dumbledore. "But I know his mother has had problems with her mental health. When Sirius was found it appeared that he had gone mad and was laughing at Peter."  
  
"He wasn't mad. Not when I saw him last. And now he's the lucky one."  
  
"How is that so?" asked Dumbledore.  
  
"Because he's in Azkaban! Don't you see? He's locked up in Azkaban with the Dementors. If he wasn't mad before, he more than certainly is now. He's lucky he's lost his mind! He's not aware of what is going on. He never will again. He won't have to live with his guilt. He won't have to live with the knowledge of what he's done to James and Lily. He won't have to live with his memories! He won't have to live .. with the way I remember him! How can I just wipe out ten years of my life when he and James figured so much in it? How can I live with everything we did together and know it was for NOTHING!!"  
  
Remus picked up a chair and put it down again. He turned and banged his fist against the wall and ran his hands through his hair.  
  
Dumbledore watched him for a minute in heavy silence.  
  
"Death knocks heavily at the doors of our hearts," said Dumbledore. "And then it takes its sword to our passions and catching sight of all that we understand to be changeless, with its blade it clefts us in two to release us into an unwanted future."  
  
Remus had his face buried into his forearm as he leaned against the wall, his body wracked with grief.  
  
"Remus," said Dumbledore. "I have a journey to take into the forest. There's someone I need to speak with there. The way is arduous and not completely safe. I would be most grateful if you would accompany me. That is, if you don't have anything more pressing?"  
  
Remus wiped a sleeve across his eyes and turned to face him. He had intended to say no, but Dumbledore had a way of looking at people which made them think that his way was better. So he agreed.  
  
"We can set out in an hour if you feel up to it. It will give you time to eat something, because I know you haven't had anything to eat for several days."  
  
Remus nodded. He had no idea how Dumbledore knew he hadn't eaten since before his transformation, but there were things that Dumbledore just knew without explanation.  
  
Chapter Four  
  
Dumbledore called for Remus an hour later. He brought with him a bottle green cloak which Remus swung over his shoulders and pulled the hood over his head. It was heavy and warm and lined with a type of leather.  
  
"Dragon skin," said Dumbledore. "An excellent lining for a cloak when it's cold and wet." Dumbledore pulled his own cloak closer around him and tugged the hood over his head.  
  
"Doubtless the Forest will be familiar to you," said Dumbledore with a smile. "But we will be going to a part of it which you will not have visited before."  
  
The two wizards set off towards the forest. It was late morning and low dark clouds hung over Hogwarts' stone turrets and slate rooves. The lake was steely grey and the castle reflected blackly in the cold water. As they walked down a pathway towards the forest a thick mist rolled over the ground towards them and then enfolded them into itself, fine rain blowing into their faces in thousands of tiny droplets. Remus remembered standing next to his mother as a tiny boy as she sprayed herself with cologne and some wafted onto his face. He remembered her smiling as he wrinkled his nose and her saying "Each drop is a kiss from me to you". Remus felt comfort from it. Dense and enclosing, he welcomed the chance to walk through a swirl of his own feelings and thoughts.  
  
In the darkness of the forest the rain eased away. The ground was soft and padded. Hundreds of years of fallen leaves and pine needles had built into comfortable wadding into which the forest had fastened its roots. The path was narrow but allowed them to walk side by side. Dumbledore also seemed to be consumed by thought, until he said,  
  
"There's something about walking that straightens out the tangled pathways of the mind. I have various devices to help give me ideas and interpretations and answers, but there is nothing like walking to give one perspective."  
  
A crashing of branches and the pound of hooves ahead of them alerted them to company. A large centaur came to a halt farther along the path and faced them.  
  
"Ronan," said Dumbledore. "My friend, greetings!"  
  
"Dumbledore," said Ronan, looking at Remus.  
  
"May I present my friend, Mr. Remus Lupin," said Dumbledore sweeping a hand towards Remus. "He is a former student of Hogwarts and a very good companion on difficult walks. I highly recommend him to your acquaintance."  
  
"Mars is in retrograde," said Ronan, looking at the sky.  
  
"So I believe," said Dumbledore. "But for how long?"  
  
"It is an optical illusion," said Ronan. "What seems to go backwards is actually in progression. It is the nature of spirals and the spiral of nature."  
  
"Quite so," said Dumbledore.  
  
Remus was confused. He wasn't sure what message Dumbledore was getting from this cryptic conversation.  
  
"Continue," said Ronan.  
  
"I thank you," replied Dumbledore. "May we visit the Circle?"  
  
"Rowan grows along the path. The vervain you will find also." Ronan turned and trotted away. Within seconds he was gone.  
  
"I take it that was a yes," said Remus.  
  
Dumbledore nodded at him. "We must look for rowan berries along the path. And it seems that vervain will be required also. Ah ha!"  
  
Dumbledore stooped to pick some small berries from a plant which grew a few feet in from the pathway. He put three in his mouth and put three into a small leather pouch he took from his pocket. He gave three to Remus, who followed Dumbledore's example and ate them.  
  
They continued on and Remus was now aware that something was following them silently, watching their every move. It wasn't just on one side of the path but was on the other and behind and in front.  
  
"Do you feel them?" said Dumbledore.  
  
Remus looked at him in acknowledgement.  
  
"Do not be afraid. It is an effect of the rowan berries. There are wolves in the forest. Not that you would normally be aware. They are guardians and have followed our every move. The berries open up your consciousness to appreciate them. They would now be aware that we can feel their presence."  
  
Time seemed to be passing strangely. Remus thought they had been walking only a few hours but it was difficult to tell if it was night or day. Trees that they walked past followed them with unseen eyes. Once or twice he turned to make sure the trees were the same as they were when they walked by.  
  
They came to a clearing where the land dipped down into a hollow filled with water about the size of the Great Hall. Around the edge of the clearing stood twelve elm trees, their bare limbs stretching widely towards their neighbours.  
  
"This is where I must leave you," said Dumbledore.  
  
Remus was horrified. "How long for?" he asked, his throat feeling tight.  
  
"I will not be back. The next part of my journey I must make alone, as must you." He gave him the small leather pouch with the three rowan berries inside it. "These are for the person whom you seek. You will know him when you find him."  
  
Without a sound, Dumbledore disapparated. Remus swung around. The path they had travelled on had also disappeared and the forest seemed to close in even more densely than before. The silence was broken by the sound of sticks breaking under the weight of feet. There was a swishing through the bracken and shadows moving quickly in and out of the bushes.  
  
Remus moved down the incline closer to the water. He pulled his wand from the pocket in his cloak and crouching slightly turned himself to face the circle of trees. He could hear howls and barking, growling and snarling coming closer and closer. Wolves started to move out of the shadows and then darted back again.  
  
"Who's there?" cried Remus, feeling extremely fearful. He thought about disapparating but a voice in his head said,  
  
"Stay."  
  
"Who's there?" Remus repeated, panicking. His blood was thumping through his veins and he felt himself breaking out into a cold sweat. His knees felt weak.  
  
As he turned he noticed that a bright light was being reflected in the water. He knew it couldn't be a full moon but he tried to quickly look at the light and at the same time watch the snarling wolves as they gradually closed on him. There must have been more than a hundred of them, surrounding him completely.  
  
"What you see is the pole star," said the voice in his head.  
  
"Who are you?" yelled Remus  
  
"The pole star is fixed in its place. The other stars revolve around it. Divine power is at work in the stars. Look at the pole star and draw its power towards you in the circle."  
  
"How do I do that?"  
  
"Look not at the circle. Look only to the light."  
  
There was no way Remus was going to turn his back on the wolves. They were creeping up on him, their teeth gleaming viciously in the starlight.  
  
"You're not looking."  
  
"I know," he yelled, frustrated. "How can I look when I'll be eaten alive!"  
  
"Look to your hopes, not your fears."  
  
At last it dawned on Remus that this was a test. He stood up straight, looking at the wolves, and put his wand into his cloak. Then he turned around and looked straight at the reflection of the pole star in the water.  
  
"Walk into the water."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Walk into the water. Draw down the power of the star into yourself. Walk into the water."  
  
The voice was urging.  
  
"How do I know to trust you?" Remus asked.  
  
"You don't. But if you don't trust me now, you won't trust yourself later."  
  
The wolves were getting closer. One or two were battling amongst themselves, but most of them had their attention on him alone.  
  
Remus looked at the star swimming in the satin surface of the pond and taking a deep breath, walked straight at the water's edge. It wasn't deep, barely up to his knees and he waded over to where the star reflected in the pool. He stepped into the starlight's reflection and was immediately engulfed in a column of white light which seemed to shine straight through him. He felt his feet pinned to the ground as the white light bored through from his head to his toes. His eyes were blinded and he raised his arm over them protectively. Suddenly he was aware that the water had receded around him and disappeared into the ground, leaving him standing on bare earth.  
  
In a moment the light was gone. It was quiet. No snapping and snarling. No calling or barking.  
  
His eyes took a minute to adjust to the gloom of the forest. The dozens of wolves had gone from around the trees. He turned around to make sure. There was one left. She sat just inside the circle of elm trees, ears pricked up. Her fur was a magnificent pale silvery grey and she had keen, bluey grey eyes.  
  
"You trusted," said the voice in Remus' head.  
  
"That was you?" said Remus to the wolf.  
  
"All of them were me."  
  
"Why did you do that? You scared me to death!"  
  
"Exactly," said the wolf in Remus' head. "You were scared of your fears, so much so you couldn't move through them. If you hadn't moved through your emotions to the light of hope, your fears would have consumed you."  
  
Remus looked at the wolf as he took in her words. "Did Dumbledore send you to me?"  
  
"No," said the wolf. "Dumbledore sent you to me. He knows we need each other."  
  
Chapter Five  
  
"We must go," said the voice in Remus' head. "They will be looking for us."  
  
Remus followed the wolf away from the clearing and down another path through the trees.  
  
"Who will be looking for us?"  
  
"Wolves," said the voice. "There is a real wolf pack here. I exist on its edge. They neither accept nor reject me but they act as the eyes and ears of the forest and they will be watching for us."  
  
She started to walk stealthily down the path stopping about twenty yards farther up and turning to look at him.  
  
"Come," she said. "Follow me. We need to get to a place where we can be safe."  
  
As they followed the path, Remus became aware of shadows travelling fast in the distance between the trees. He thought at first it was the wolf pack, but the shadows seemed to be flying under the canopies of oak trees and around and through the intervals between the pines. Then he thought they might be birds but he realised they were much too large.  
  
The flying shadows were becoming more frequent. Remus was starting to feel a sense of foreboding. There was another one - closer!  
  
"Do you know what they are?" he asked the wolf.  
  
"Not for sure," came the wolf's voice in his head. "I think you would have more idea than me."  
  
Remus doubted that. How could he know more about the inhabitants of the forest than someone who lived there?  
  
They turned a bend in the path and about seventy yards ahead of them a woman stood. She was dressed in black with a black shawl around her shoulders fastened with a pin. She was wearing a battered black hat. As they became closer, Remus recognised her as the woman he had met in Knockturn Alley. He turned to speak to the wolf, but she had disappeared.  
  
"Take a card, love," said the woman.  
  
Remus was speechless. He looked at her and at the cards fanned out in front of her.  
  
"Who are you?" he asked.  
  
The woman smiled at him a toothy smile. "I'm here to help you."  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"Take a card."  
  
Remus was getting annoyed. He took out his wand, but she was unmoved.  
  
"What can you possibly tell me? This is a trick! Last time you told me nothing I didn't already now. You hold no surprises for me!"  
  
"Take a card," said the voice in his head.  
  
He turned and looked for the wolf.  
  
"Where are you?"  
  
"I am watching you. Take a card."  
  
He looked back at the woman in front of him as she proffered the cards face downwards.  
  
Very reluctantly he took one. Immediately he was bowled over backwards by black shadows flying on broomsticks very close to him. There were many of them - far too many for him to resist. He brandished his wand at one of them and rolled over on the ground trying to get out of the way. One of the figures above him had dropped to the ground and stood over him. He recognised him as the man in the black cloak in the Leaky Cauldron. In a flash the man drew a sword from under his cloak and pointed it at Remus' neck. The other shadows had left their broomsticks and surrounded him, all with swords drawn and pointing at him. He didn't know how many of them there were, but he guessed there were ten. Resistance was futile. He let his head sink back onto the ground and he looked up at the sky knowing he was about to be taken in.  
  
"Name!" barked the man.  
  
From his position pinned to the ground, Remus looked at the man snarling down at him. Something about this man made him feel angry. In all the years of being a werewolf he had experienced so many cold shoulders and prejudice because of a few hours every month when he would hide himself away. James and Sirius flashed through his mind. Dumbledore and Poppy Pomfrey - people who knew and accepted him.  
  
"Very good," said the voice in his head. "Draw down your strength from the love of others."  
  
He tried to see if the wolf was near him.  
  
"Get 'em off me!" he roared at her.  
  
"You have the power to do that," said the voice. "Acknowledge who you are."  
  
Remus looked back at the man in the black cloak, realisation flooding into him.  
  
"I am Remus Lupin," he said unflinchingly at the man, "and I am a werewolf!"  
  
Immediately the men in black started to shrink until they were nothing but tiny toys that a young boy would play with, their miniature swords slashing harmlessly through the air. Remus was left lying on the ground in shock. He put his finger next to the man in the black cloak and flicked him over. The little figurine landed on its back, still waving its sword through the air.  
  
"You did very well," said a voice behind his head. He swung his body around and stood up to face the wolf. "The Ten of Swords is a tough card to break through. At the moment of despair and disappointment, pain and heartbreak, the way forward lies within yourself. You have to recognise the light and the dark sides of yourself. Your demons exist in your own dark side and you have to bring them forward to deal with them."  
  
"And where the hell were you through all of that!" he spat at her.  
  
"Right here," she said quietly, "watching you."  
  
"Well thanks a lot! Now I know who not to trust!"  
  
She sat down on the ground, lay down and rolled over like a dog wanting its belly scratched.  
  
Remus could have sworn she was laughing at him.  
  
"Oh, now, do you really think so?" she said.  
  
"Do you know who those men are?" yelled Remus at her. "And don't do the cute thing at me - I'm really not in the mood right now!"  
  
She sat up and shook the dirt from her head.  
  
"They were from the Werewolf Capture Squad. Two of them attacked you in Knockturn Alley nearly four weeks ago."  
  
"Four weeks .... I haven't been here that long!"  
  
"Yes you have. Time passes strangely here."  
  
"Were you the woman with the cards?"  
  
"No. I can't transform like that," she said. "I took her from your memory."  
  
Remus picked up his wand from the ground.  
  
"You staged all this! Just like the wolf pack. Who do you think I am to be played with like some toy!" and he kicked over the little figurines on the ground.  
  
"And do you think you are the only one who knows pain and heartbreak?" she said quietly.  
  
"What would you know of pain and heartache?" asked Remus, coldly.  
  
She looked at him and her words formed themselves in his mind.  
  
"Pain is the distance between the boat of the present and the shore of the past. There are those who would not leave the past, who are happy in its comforts and its familiarity. The vast storehouse of memory opens but a small door to the harvest of new experience.  
  
"There are those who would seek the safe harbour, who do not shine their light to the wild and uncertain seas.  
  
"There are those who launch their boats with the sails filled with the soaring heart of freedom.  
  
"And there are those who are bound to leave the shore which held such happiness and warmth and as the wind takes them where it might, their eyes search the reducing landfall in vain to capture the essence of their former lives just one more time.  
  
"Your pain tosses you upon the breaking crests of waves and in your agony threatens to draw you down. But I say to you, let those who have died speak to your spirit in love. They have gone to no other place other than where you are. Where death is around you, there do you live. Where your pain is, there is your acceptance. Let them draw your sight to where they are beyond the seas of your experience. Allow their memory to light a new path of love in your heart.  
  
"And let those who will not know you as their friend or comforter live their lives in the safe harbours, for they will not leave the four walls of their incarceration."  
  
He was staggered. Her words caught everything that he felt but couldn't express. Being a werewolf he had gathered few friends and few comforters. Now they were all gone. James and Lily cut down by Voldemort. Peter, blasted along with so many others by Sirius.  
  
Sirius.  
  
How could he have been so wrong about Sirius? Sirius, whom he had loved as a brother. Sirius, who had always greeted him with a true friend's embrace. Sirius, who had kept him company and who as Padfoot had slept by his side during dozens of transformations.  
  
The flash of green light which tore the souls from the bodies of James and Lily had blasted a chasm of emptiness into Remus' heart. And Peter, who had tried to stand alone against Sirius knowing that he was hopelessly out of his depth, had paid the ultimate sacrifice. But the betrayal of them all by Sirius had ripped his heart from his chest and left him with a void of anger and unbearable pain and a mind full of whirling confusion.  
  
Still the words of Dumbledore echoed in the recesses of his brain. That Sirius was in Azkaban without a trial. How could he be sent to Azkaban without a trial - unless there was no need for one. How could they be wrong about him when there were so many witnesses? His mind had left him. He had betrayed James and Lily to Voldemort. He had exploded the Order in the face of Dumbledore. Then he had murdered Peter and laughed.  
  
"But do you understand?" said Remus to the wolf. "These people were the only ones in the world who loved me as a friend, who accepted me as if I were normal. They respected me and kept me company in my moments of madness and then loved me despite all I did to them when I was in my other state. Where am I to find people like that again? How am I to trust giving my friendship and my love again when losing it is pain unimaginable?"  
  
"How do you hope to find the light of friendship in others if you do not look for it within yourself?" said the voice "If you cannot find friendship, make friends with yourself. Love who you are, with all the scars and ugliness. Lie peacefully in your own silences. Wait and hope."  
  
The wolf looked at him. She stood up and moved round to face him where he sat on the ground. She lifted her front paw and pushed his shoulder before nudging his chest with her nose.  
  
Then she sat down and looked him in the eyes. "Am I not your friend? Do I not talk with you as an equal? And yet I am not your equal. There are many who would see me dead. They look at my paw prints, the shadows of where I might have been and fear grips their minds and murder invades their hearts. I know the ways of man, the way that man looks for his demons outside of himself. The way that man seeks comfort in the acceptance of others yet cannot accept himself. I know the ways of the wolf. The wisdom of the forest. The succour of nature's spirit. I cannot help you as a man, but I give you all that I am as a wolf."  
  
Remus looked at the wolf. His annoyance with her was gone. He raised his hand and put it behind her ears. Her fur was soft and warm to the touch. Her breath fell gently on his face. She closed her eyes as he scratched her softly and tilted her head into his hand. He suddenly realised that in all the days since James and Lily were murdered, he hadn't touched anybody. Nobody had embraced him in acknowledgement of mutual pain. He had nobody to hold as they cried their grief into him. Nobody had held his body as, aching with the wounds of their deaths, he had shaken with his tears. Now with the touch of the wolf, with the warmth of her skin, with the sound of her breath, with the comfort of her eyes he felt their spirits meet. He put his arms around her neck and, with no words forming in his mind, the language she spoke by just touching was allowing his soul to piece together fragment by fragment.  
  
Her blue-grey eyes stared through him and for the first time since Halloween he felt a weight lifting from his chest.  
  
Eventually he rose to his feet and together they made their way up a rocky pathway and over a sharp summit. Remus stopped to take in the magnificent view. It was as if they were standing on the brink of a long-extinct volcano. Below them were caves in the rock faces and they made their way down to the entrance of one of them.  
  
From outside the entrance to the cave they looked out over the flat land of what was once the crater. Remus could see green fields of tall grass, herbs and flowers.  
  
The cauldron cliffs rose sharply and about 400 metres away there was an enormous oak tree which was extremely old and it spread its branches out a significant distance. The spirit of the place was extraordinary. Remus watched the ebb and flow of clouds peeping at him shyly over the cliff tops and then hiding like a child behind its mother's skirts. Shrouds of mist gripped at rocks like ghostly fingers. He felt completely in awe of the land and the spirit of being. There was nothing in that landscape that was separate from anything else.  
  
"Do you see a tree?" asked the wolf.  
  
Remus nodded.  
  
"The World Tree," she said.  
  
Chapter Six  
  
It was getting cold. The shadows that had been creeping towards them from the rocks around them now touched where they sat. Suddenly the moon started its rise and Remus felt it happening. The wolf jumped to her feet and leaped away. "Follow me into the cave," he heard her say and she turned and ran into the black mouth of the cavern and disappeared. His body began to stretch, his hands springing claws and fur erupted all over his body. His face disappeared into the mask of the wolf and fangs burst from his jaws. In all the years that this had been happening to him, he had never been able to get used to the excruciating agony of the passage from man to wolf.  
  
When the transformation was complete, Remus looked around but the grey wolf had gone He moved into the mouth of the cave but couldn't see anything in the blackness.  
  
"I thought you'd understand!" Remus howled in a mixture of pain and anguish. "I thought I could show myself and not disgust you!"  
  
"Oh, you don't disgust me," she said through the blackness. Remus forced his eyes to focus but the darkness was complete. "I think you are now much improved!"  
  
"So come out and show yourself to me," pleased Remus. "Let me sit with you as a wolf. Let me share this time with you as one of your own!"  
  
There was silence for a while and Remus was about to turn away from the cave in bitter disappointment when her voice said softly, "Come further into the cave. Don't worry, there is nothing here to hurt you. I will tell you when to stop." He moved into the blackness, not able to see even the nose on his face. He could smell water.  
  
"Stop!" she said. "Now we wait for a while. There is an opening in the ceiling. Shortly the moon will rise above it and cast its beams through the hole and you will see me and you will know me."  
  
Slowly, light started to shine in silvery ribbons through the ceiling of the cave. Remus was able to gradually make out the edges of the hole and could see the dark shadows of trees waving in the breeze above At his feet he suddenly could see that there was a stream running almost silently through the cave and that where he sat was barely three feet away from it. More light flooded in through the ceiling.  
  
"Look up, opposite to where you are sitting," she said.  
  
Remus looked up and what he saw made his heart stop. Sitting on a ledge of the cave wall hanging over the stream was a woman of about 25 years of age wrapped in a deerskin. Her pale eyes looked down at him nervously. Her light brown hair hung over her shoulders and her skin glowed in the moonbeams. Her feet dangled down towards the stream and she looked as though any movement would cause her to fall.  
  
"Now you know what I am. I am a werewoman. My name is Arhiann. There are very few of us in the history of the world. I am this way because of a spell cast by a dark wizard whose advances I rejected. He wanted me for his wife, but I refused. He tried to force me under the Imperius curse, but I was able to resist by transforming into a wolf. So he cursed me to the life of a werewoman. When the spell was cast I was in my animal form. Now, I live as a wolf for all but the time of the full moon when I revert to my original humanity. Like yours, my transformations are painful because they are caused by the spell. The wolf pack casts me aside. It tolerates me living on the edges, but I cannot mingle with them. It's ironic, don't you think, that we cannot meet in the same form together?" and a tear started to trickle down her face.  
  
"Who did this to you?" asked Remus, anger creeping over him like a dark cloud.  
  
"It was a long time ago. I cannot age, I cannot progress in life, I cannot pass to the spirit world, I cannot cast off the spell unless."  
  
"Unless what? If there's a way, let me help you!" Remus was standing next to the stream and looking up at her.  
  
Remus stared at her in disbelief. He felt slightly separated from his body and very lightheaded. He couldn't understand why he didn't feel like attacking her. She seemed to still be reading his mind.  
  
"It's because I am human only during this time," she said. "In essence I am still animal and my human form is temporary. Because you recognise both aspects of me, we are safe from each other, you when I am wolf and I when I am human."  
  
"You didn't tell me. Unless what? What breaks the spell?"  
  
"Did you see a large tree in the field? An ancient oak tree?"  
  
Remus nodded. It was hard to miss it. The oak must be hundreds of years old with a massive trunk and branches spreading widely around.  
  
She continued "It is the World Tree, the connection between the realms of the ground of being, life and the heavens. When the spell was cast upon me I was removed from the World Tree and I cannot see it. It has been hidden from my view. If the spell were to be broken, I would be able to enter the World Tree and access my being. I would regain my connection between the ground and the heavens. The wizard who cast the spell considered it unbreakable. I was being consigned to an eternity outside life where I could exist but not age, not progress. He thought his revenge was complete by making the spell unbreakable. But to take revenge is to create weakness and the weakness allows the spell to be broken. It can be done by a werewolf in his human form who can open the door to the World Tree at full moon. He must be the one to allow me to pass into the Three Realms."  
  
Remus sat stunned. "Can you come down from there?" he asked. "Come and share this time with me. Don't separate yourself."  
  
"Don't you think I am ugly? Don't I revolt you? I am used to my wolf's body. My human form is so restricted and ungainly" and she wiped a tear from her cheek with the back of her hand.  
  
Remus looked at her and said quietly, "No. No, you don't revolt me at all. You are as beautiful a woman as you are a wolf."  
  
She wiped her hands over her face and ran her fingers through her long hair. Then she drew up her feet onto the ledge and turned into a cleft in the rock face and disappeared. Seconds later she was on the bank of the stream and walking through the knee-deep cold water.  
  
"Now it is my turn to walk through my fears to my hopes."  
  
She climbed out of the water and walked over to him, kneeling in front of him. Her arms circled his neck and she held him close to her. He nuzzled his face into her shoulder and licked her cheek.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said. "That's the best I can do at the moment! If I could revert to my human form, I could do better."  
  
She looked at him, her face very close to his.  
  
"If you could revert to your human form, would you do that for me? Would you open the door to the World Tree?"  
  
"Yes," said Remus.  
  
"Knowing that it would be my last experience of life, you would release me from my existence?"  
  
Remus was shocked.  
  
"I didn't realise that it would be your death."  
  
"It would not be. I was given death when the spell was cast to imprison me into my life. I can do more for you from beyond death of my body. You are learning fast to trust your spirit. You are learning to draw down your strength from the spirit world. I can do more to help you in this life from the spirit world than I ever could as I am now."  
  
"How do I know?"  
  
"You don't. But if you don't trust me now, you won't trust yourself later."  
  
Remus found his mind a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. He knew himself what it was like to be imprisoned into the existence of a werewolf, that there was no escape from who he was. He knew that death would come to him eventually and that would be his only release.  
  
Sirius flashed into his mind. He visualised him in his prison cell, deprived of his mind and his soul. Quickly he pushed the vision away. He couldn't deny that he loved Sirius as a brother. If only he could see him, ask him what happened and why.  
  
"Would you release your brother from his prison?" asked Arhiann  
  
"How did you know.."  
  
Arhiann looked into his eyes. "It is the nature of who I am. I know who I am and I know who you are also."  
  
"Yes I'd release him from his prison."  
  
"And ask him questions?"  
  
Remus thought hard for a while.  
  
"I would have no need," he said. "I loved him as a friend and a brother and he loved me. Those things are eternal. The actions of this life are transitory and I do not have knowledge of why things happened as they did and it is not for me to judge. I can only allow him to be who he is and remember him as he was."  
  
She smiled at him.  
  
He looked at Arhiann. If this was the only way to release her from an eternity of living death ..  
  
"How can this be done?"  
  
Chapter Seven  
  
They made their way towards the giant oak, crossing the meadow together through tall grass and herbs. Arhiann stooped to pick some plants along the way. She waved her wand and seemed to extract something from a secret place in the air.  
  
"Vervain," she said. "A most sacred herb. I collected this at a time when there was neither the moon nor the sun. The vervain can be picked by the light of Sirius which gives it power."  
  
At the sound of Sirius' name Remus looked into the sky and saw the star shining brightly in the sky. Again the thought of Sirius did not cause anger.  
  
"You will have the answers to your questions, but not yet. The time is not right. But there will be a time when your love for your friend and the answers to your questions will meet. And you will be satisfied to live either with the answer or with your memories."  
  
"I am content now," said Remus. "I have reconciled myself with the man I knew. Whatever the answer is will not change the way I feel about him."  
  
She looked at him, studied his gaze and nodded.  
  
"This is the World Tree," she said, turning to where she thought the oak would be. "This tree is the connection between the Underworld and the Celestial Heaven. It is the tree of life with its roots in the earth and its canopy in the heavens and the trunk is life itself. The earth is where all life comes, the heavens are where all life goes. All things contains the Divine force of life. Every rock, every plant, every animal, every human. All of nature is sacred and all that is sacred is connected."  
  
She looked up at the tree and found a place where the earth was flattened.  
  
"I have to make a potion here in the shadow of this tree's branches."  
  
She pulled out a wand from nowhere, conjured a fire and a cauldron and started adding ingredients.  
  
"This is the Cauldron of Ceridwen. I was taught it a long time ago by a Shaman to whom I was apprenticed. It is a magical drink and will teach you many things. I became the Shaman and traditionally I could have taken a wolf as my familiar. When the spell was cast upon me I transformed myself into my own familiar."  
  
She added more things to the cauldron, saying as she did so,  
  
"The foam of the ocean, flixweed and the sacred vervain gathered by the light of the Dog Star Sirius when neither sun nor moon are shining."  
  
Again, Remus felt comfort at the mention of the star. Maybe now he'd understand fully.  
  
"I need something else. Rowan berries."  
  
Remus remembered the berries given to him by Dumbledore. He thought about Dumbledore's comment that he would know who to give them to when he saw him. He suddenly realised that person was himself.  
  
"I have some in the pocket of the cloak."  
  
Arhiann looked and pulled out the leather pouch. She emptied the berries into the cauldron and stirred the brew with her wand.  
  
"This potion contains the wisdom of the Three Realms,' she said. "It will help you to transform from a wolf to a human."  
  
"I have never done that before."  
  
"You must trust that you can. It was achieved in reverse by your friends. The potion will help you to do it, but you will only have a short time before you revert to the wolf again. I cannot take away the werewolf, but I can leave you with knowledge which will help you through your life. I will be with you for ever. If you listen to the small voice of wisdom in your mind, that is where you'll find me. I will be with you in your loves and your sorrows. I will build bridges between your laughter and your pain. I will collect your harvest of new experience and live in the storehouse of your memories. I will thrive in the wisdom of your living and at your passing I will rejoice and I will welcome your spirit with open arms."  
  
Arhiann conjured a shallow bowl and dipped it into the cauldron, setting the contents down on the ground for Remus to drink.  
  
He drew from the bowl and remembered all the incantations that James and Sirius used to transform into the animals they became when they kept him company. He remembered them head to head over scattered parchments on the floor of the dormitory trying to work out how to become animagi. He remembered them with quills feverishly writing down incantations, calculations, ideas and visualisations. Night after night this went on between them. James and Sirius were as bonded together as two people could possibly be. And then that night - that glorious moment in the trees near the lake when, facing each other, they finally did it. Sirius turned into the big black dog they came to call Padfoot and James turned into the magnificent stag they called Prongs. How they pranced around each other showing themselves off. How they leaped all over him, joyous at being able to join his transformations without risk of being killed by the werewolf. Now their memory was instructing him. Their forms in his mind were as real now as they were then. It was if they were actually there, showing him how to do it, instructing him, encouraging him, urging him on.  
  
He listened to their voices in his head. He visualised himself in his human form. His vision swam momentarily and he felt his body contracting and extending at the same time.  
  
In an instant he was man again.  
  
He turned to face Arhiann. She was watching him with beaming eyes and a quiet smile.  
  
"Thank you," said Remus, "for everything you have said. For everything you have done for me. For bringing me back to myself. For connecting me with what I thought I had lost."  
  
"And I thank you for releasing me back into what was taken away from me. No-one else could have done this for me. And I will be grateful to you through all eternity"  
  
He took his wand and looked at the World Tree. He was reminded of the Whomping Willow and the knot he used to touch to immobilise it to allow him to enter the secret passageway. Somehow this was so familiar to him.  
  
He looked at the Tree and in the bark there appeared a small knot similar to the one on the Willow. He touched it with his wand. A door appeared in the vast trunk of the tree and it opened, allowing an intense golden light to shine out into the blackness where they stood.  
  
Knowing this would be goodbye, Remus took one of her hands and looked at her one last time. She touched his face with her other hand and he pulled her gaze into his eyes. She drew his face towards hers and she touched her lips to his in a kiss that he wished would never end.  
  
He felt himself spiralling backwards and in a whirl of colour and pain he found himself back in his wolf form. Arhiann had gone. He sat next to the World Tree and howled loudly into the night sky.  
  
Chapter Eight  
  
Remus walked back from the World Tree to the cave. A storm was gathering. Thick clouds built up, black against the night's canopy. Stars disappeared from sight and the atmosphere became heavy. Lightening rods drove jagged shards across the sky, breaking it into tiny pieces. Thunder rolled from one side of the land to the other. Gradually the lightening became more frequent and the thunder louder. He watched as it tore back the black curtain of night and drove white light momentarily over the landscape. The giant oak, so noble in the daylight now was vulnerable for the second it was revealed from its nocturnal hiding place.  
  
Crack! He flinched as the light for an instant joined the earth to the heavens like some electric thread sewing the density of the earth to the filmy veil of the sky. Thunder split the silence into another tumbling rumble through the earth. Rain spotted in huge discs on the ground which became more numerous and then fell in torrents like the tumult of many waterfalls. Remus turned and looked inside the cave. As lightening broke over the hole in the ceiling he could see the stream rising and flowing quickly. Water was pouring in through the roof of the cave and tumbling into the fast rising water below.  
  
A huge lightening bolt ripped through the air and struck the World Tree, splitting it from top to bottom in a massive explosion. Thunder reverberated all around him causing the earth to shake. The tree divided into two and the halves crashed heavily to the ground. From the centre a transparent swirl of blue and silver light rose from the middle of the earth to the heavens above. Remus watched in awe as the light sparkled and shimmered as it turned on its axis and expanded to fill all space around him. As the light enveloped him he felt at one with everything around him. He was connected to the rocks, to the plants, to the water, to the air, to the lightening. Everything in nature was sacred and everything that was sacred was connected. Just as Arhiann had said.  
  
He searched for her in his mind. "You are worthy of the Shaman," said a voice. "You are not just walking the Way. You are becoming the Way itself."  
  
The rain stopped and the wind blew the clouds to reveal a waning moon. He felt his wolf's clothes receding away and in a few minutes he was again in human form. He bent down and picked up his cloak off the ground and swung it round himself. He glanced out of the cave and to his astonishment saw that the oak tree had returned to its whole. There was no sign of it being split in two. It had mended itself perfectly and returned to its being.  
  
He turned out of the cave and saw a pathway in front of him. A pathway he knew would take him back to Hogwarts and Dumbledore and all that was familiar in his life. He smiled to himself. And as he walked along in the rain he put his hand in to the pocket of the cloak and felt a leather pouch. He pulled it out and looked inside. A tiny figurine of a grey wolf fell into his hand. It stood up and shook itself and then dropped down and rubbed its head affectionately into his hand.  
  
Remus laughed softly. "Yes," he said, "I love you too." 


End file.
